January 13, 2008: I was 21, and I loved my life. After spending two years at a community college, I was (finally) days away from my first semester at a university in Southern California. I felt like the world was at my feet! I had amazing friends (more friends that I was ever used to having, I didn’t really fit in with anyone in high school), a great job, great grades, and a sweet one bedroom apartment (which I finally had all to myself after kicking my lying ass hole boyfriend out)! For the first time in my life,I felt happy and complete; there didn’t seem to be anything missing. Except….oh shit.
It’s funny how everything can change in an instant. Hmm. My period was late. But I didn’t panic. That didn’t mean anything because I was on the pill. Oh wait, because of the break-up induced stress, I forgot to take them. I wasn’t too worried when I bought the test…I even bought a bottle of wine with it! In fact, my ex was over that night (we still liked to hook up now and again…), so I took the test just do I would stop worrying. Fuck. I remember feeling like I had been punched in the stomach when my brain finally absorbed the meaning of the little blue plus sign on that plastic stick. I remember bursting into tears. Shit mother fuck shit. Even though I knew I wasn’t ready, I decided to let myself become a mom.
Two years and some odd months later, I am unrecognizable, yet more insane then I was back then! After a really degrading, painful, drawn-out break-up with my son’s father, I moved back to the southeast to be close to my family. I stay home with my son full-time, and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing! My son is a wild card, and he pushes me over my limits every single day. Sometimes, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind…and I want to throw him out the window and run away! Being a single stay-at-home mom is a ridiculously difficult undertaking, especially when your child is as hazardous and stubborn as mine is. Lately, I’ve felt really unmotivated…and really unhappy. I’ve been eating anything (and as much as) I want, and I drink too much alcohol. I’m not getting very good sleep, and I’m starting to feel like total shit! The only thing that seems to make me feel better is going to the gym and improving my diet…
The other night, I had an epiphany while I was brushing my teeth. I was thinking about what I want to do with my life, and how I want to reduce my stress level. It suddenly occurred to me…Yoga is the answer to everything. Yoga is the only activity that has successfully allowed me to let go of every single thought or worry and just…be. I was suddenly inspired to become a yoga instructor, and to completely transform my life in every way…I am going to change my diet and my perspective. Through this transformation, I think I will become a better mom. So I thought it would be interesting to start this blog and write all about my journey and whatnot.
The funny thing is, I love red meat…and I am a sarcastic bitch. I’m still going to be myself, but I am going to see what happens when a psycho like me tries to be Zen. So, yeah, this is going to be interesting. Stay tuned.
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